Bullying is rife in the workplace but it is often ignored, not voiced
or resolved in a professional way. But why is this, when 'being bullied' is
one of the most painful things to experience and handle? Are you a victim
of snide, critical or hurtful remarks, exclusion or are you battling with
a negative perception of you? Has it become easier to duck, ignore or put
up with the situation because you don't want to experience more conflict,
abuse and pain? It has to stop. Do you have the guts to put a stop to this
once and for all? Let's introduce you to some ways to turn people into fans
of yours.
If it helps, let's look first at the underlying themes behind bullying.
- The bully is insecure. A bully is basically an insecure person
who attacks other people in order to make him/herself feel better. The bully's
happiness and power is built upon making other people miserable and lower
than them. This process helps to cover up the fact that the bully is an
insecure and unhappy person. Think of it this way, even if the bully is
wrong he/she is 'right' in his/her view because he/she is coming from his/her
position of personal growth which is limited, insecure and vulnerable. The
bully, in this moment, without confronting his/her issues and receiving
help, advice and counselling can't do anything different. (The bully is
actually a long way away from where you are.) But you are the one who has
to change in order to protect your happiness.
- The workplace can unbalance you. The very fact that you need to
earn a regular and consistent income in order to live, look after yourself
and survive can have a negative effect on your sense of power and self-esteem.
It can mean that your 'need' to survive can become your primary concern
and focus. You may forget that importance of 'protecting' and building your
self-esteem on a daily basis. So without actually consciously realising
it, you may have chosen 'survival' over feeling good and not taken positive
action when someone put you down or walked all over you. (You need to find
ways to protect and work on building your self-esteem.)
- No one confronts the bully. The bully often says shocking things.
A verbal blow from a bully can feel as if you have been punched in the stomach.
When you have recovered from the initial shock you can then be faced with
sniggers, laughs or comments from the bully's entourage. This can leave
the victim of the bully's abuse feeling even more isolated. The bully enjoys
seeing another person's unhappiness. (It is time to confront the bully in
a way that makes you come to the forefront in a positive way. You need to
document your achievements, build yourself up, change the way you are being
perceived within your organisation and strengthen your professional relationships.
Come on, we've got some work to do to turn people into your fans. It is
going to be FUN.)
- Deal with your anger. Bullies can leave their victims feeling angry,
sorry for themselves, or hurt and depressed. You need to deal with these
emotions in a sporty way. This will helps you to release negative emotions,
relax and recharge your batteries. What sport are you currently enjoying?
Are you bashing a few balls on the tennis court? Do you play football, badminton
or squash? Can you crank up your performance in the afternoon by taking
a brisk walk around the block during your lunch hour?
- Protect yourself. Stay quiet about all the changes you are making.
You don't need to talk about them at work. You don't need anyone else's
approval or support. Spend time every day doing things you enjoy. Go home
on time and spend time with your partner, with your friends or learning
a new skill.
- Document what you are good at. Don't wait for someone to see all
that you can offer, you have to recognise what is great about you. What
are you good at? What is special about you? Start to take pride once again
in your talents. Write down everything on a chart and stick it up in your
home. Stop hiding and notice what you have to offer. See it, live it and
be it.
- Invest in yourself. Invest in building your self-esteem and skills.
Enrol on an assertiveness course and buy and listen to an audio book. Invest
time in learning more about your company, its products and its people. Book
an appointment with someone in your organisation once a week. Tell this
person that you want to discover more about what they do. People love to
talk about themselves and what they do. These types of conversations will
help you to build strong relationships within your organisation. Invest
in your personal appearance too. Are you up for a Brad Pitt hair cut or
a Scarlet Johansson's outfit? The bottom line is invest in yourself and
enjoy what happens.
- Decide what you want to be known for. Where do you want to have
the greatest impact? Do you want to make a difference on company policy?
Do you want care about systems or people? Are you visionary or creative?
What do your instincts tell you? Refocus your energy in the areas you have
highlighted.
Begin to work on yourself and stand out for the right reasons. Be the person
who contributes to the bigger picture of your organisation. Allow people to
see your strengths, skills and energy. The workplace is a jungle of mixed
emotions but you don't have to be a victim. YOU CAN BE A STAR.
If you want to start afresh with a new organisation, we can help you to sell
yourself in a positive way to your new employer. Do you feel that your sales
pitch is confident? We offer a complete
review of your CV. If you sign up for this service you will receive a
commentary of over 500 words in length, a detailed assessment covering 40
important aspects that need to be included in a CV if it is to score a maximum
100 out of 100. Sections of your CV are cut and pasted into the on-line assessment
page and held within your own secure area. The consultant adds 500 words of
advice on how to improve your CV to give it maximum impact. The
assessment provides you with all the necessary feedback on your CV allowing
you to decide what positive action you need to be take.
Copyright © Sarah Berry 2007
Career Consultants On-line Ltd
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