- Born To Run d:\setup.exe - Bruce Springsteen
- IE Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
- Networking Class Hero - John Lennon
- When I'm Re-booting Windows - George Formby
- Does Your Motherboard Know - Abba
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come
into his office. 'What is your name?' was the first thing the manager asked
the new guy.
'John,' the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, 'Look ... I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place
you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds
familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees
by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... that's all. I am to be
referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is
your last name?'
The new guy sighed, 'Darling. My name is John Darling.'
'Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is ...'
Words of wisdom for the office:
- Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.
- What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Well, in winter
time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in
the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a
squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
- Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
- If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you
probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
- If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
- Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us
who do.
- Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep
under your desk.
- Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on
than illumination.
- A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours
or just half of someone else's?
- Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
- I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just
some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
We're all prone to typos but the worst place to see them is on a CV. There
are some things which should be rephrased!
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
- Let's meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
- Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to respond
to my resume on my office voice mail.
- I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely
nothing.
- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology,
I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
- I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
- Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never
quit a job.
- The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
- Achievements: I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.
- Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.
- Work Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.
- I'm a rabid typist.
Copyright © Sarah Berry 2007
Career Consultants On-line Ltd
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